Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ugly people sure do ruin things
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
