did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
