i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
