we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
