it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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