They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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