So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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