She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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