I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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