I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
