the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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