I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
