Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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