I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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