i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
