My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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