i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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