Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
