ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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