so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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