I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
