If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize