I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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