I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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