Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
