And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
