One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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