I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
