This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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