If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
