The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
