Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
