It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
