how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
