i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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