To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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