Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
