I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
