Got a toothbrush?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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