her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
