I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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