i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
