my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
