also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
