At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
