My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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