her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
