you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
