I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
