the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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