Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
