got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
