no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
