Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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