All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
