yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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