i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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