She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
