what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
