Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
