Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
