you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
