I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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