standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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