i want to swaddle you in tequila
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
