Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
