The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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