The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize