No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
